Older Wiser Hockey Parents, Part 2

At the rink with my daughter Sophia

  As hockey parents go, Laurie Golden and her husband are the kind of folks that an underdog sport like hockey needs, to keep it sane on the youth level. Laurie hails from Plymouth, Michigan and is the author of a terrific blog called The Trophy Mom, http://thetrophymom.wordpress.com. I had a great conversation with Laurie about harmony in hockey and she agrees, it's really easy for parents to lose their perspective. She even dedicated an entire post on how to stay calm.  As Laurie so wisely points out, you really have to make a conscious decision to not get caught up in all the drama and stay focused on what's best for your children and family. Admittedly there are times, and many of them pop in my mind right now, that's not always easy. Deep breath. Stay focused. Or borrow a trick from Laurie and repeat to yourself, “I am not emotionally invested in this game. I am not emotionally invested in this game.” as often and as many times as necessary. It helped her survive 30 years as a Detroit Lions fan!
   Laurie knows what she's talking about. She and her husband have three sports loving kids. Their eldest is a senior baseball player for Eastern Michigan University. Their second son plays ACHA hockey for Oakland University and their daughter who plays hockey for the 19U Michigan Icebreakers, is also a softball player.

How did you and your husband set realistic expectations for your children who play sports?

     The only expectation we really have is that our kids will have fun and develop some skills
and that's the way we encourage them to look at it. Sometimes those skills are skating, shooting and team play. Sometimes those skills are learning to play with new line mates, or dealing with a difficult teammate, or balancing school and sports demands. And some seasons, you have to adjust as things progress and look for positives, focus on efforts and improvements and not on the score or stats tally.

 What happens if your passion for a sport doesn't equal your child's?
     I have yet to have that happen! We let the kids dictate which sport they want to play and the level of involvement. We try to support their passion, not ours, although sometimes my husband or I might wish one of our kids would try a different sport or a different team. It's their chance to try things and explore what they like or don't like, not about my passion.

3. Have you ever heard parents refer to hockey as "an investment?"
      My husband and I joke often that if people took all the money they spent on camps, special training tools and extra coaching and invested it, they'd have no problem paying for college. It's like trying to buying yourself a scholarship but with no guarantee that you'll actually get one.
   We do know people who think that if their player concentrates all their efforts on one sport, plays year round and gets extra coaching, that it will pay off with a scholarship or high level career. It's completely unrealistic as only 2% of high school athletes receive college scholarships. And we know kids that have played juniors hoping for a college opportunity and then enter college at age 20 or 22 with no scholarship, while all their friends have finished college and are starting their careers.

4. And how do you avoid the "comparison trap?" (comparing how your child is doing against a friend or star athlete)
     It is hard to avoid the comparison trap, especially when you worry that other kids have advantages, like playing with a kid who passes them the puck, or getting more ice time. But you just can't go there because you'll make yourself nuts. There are going to be situations like this at work and at school so stay focused on what you can control like your effort, your improvement, your enjoyment. Teams need all kinds of players--some kids score goals, some kids dig the puck out of the corner, some kids motivate everyone else with a good attitude and hard work. So instead of comparing, celebrate everyone's successes, because that's what good friends and teammates do.

   And remember, the kids are watching. Sometimes that is easier sad than done but now that my kids are older, each of them has thanked us for being sane, level-headed sports parents. The kids really are watching.





Sophia hoists a trophy after a team victory

   A final note from The Trophy Mom,  "With any luck, our kids will have fun, learn some life lessons and maybe we’ll hoist the trophy for best sports parent ever."

                                                                         Salute!

Sticks and Laces

 When was the last time you did a sticks and laces check?  16U Blazers hockey coach Mike Zandri recently did, and what he saw among his team of teens prompted him to quickly fire off an e-mail to parents and players.  While it may seem like small stuff,  as coach Zandri points out, the right sized stick and how you lace up your skates can make a big difference in a player's performance on the ice.  So let's review ,as the coach delivers some timely advice.
    "The past couple of times on the ice, I noticed some of the boys are using sticks that are too long.  General guidelines are nose in sneakers and chin in skates.  An inch can make a big difference, as it causes the toe of the stick to pop off the ice."  Wow, who knew?  The coach also points out, " Good pass catching requires the entire blade of the stick on the ice with the blade cupped and some down-pressure on the stick.  The blade should wear evenly.  If the heel is wearing unevenly compared to the rest of the blade, then the stick is

Safety "CHECK" list

When my son moved up to the Pee Wee level and the checking began, I recall watching some games with my eyes wide shut. You see it coming. Whack! You get scared. You stop breathing. You clench your fists or squeeze the blood out of the arm that's closest to you. Checking is a part of the game that I honestly don't think I'll ever get used to (or like), especially when it's my kid on the receiving end of a nasty or illegal body check.

One of my many, ' I've stopped breathing' moments. My son is in the white jersey...

Even though our youth hockey players aren't allowed to start checking in hockey until they reach the Pee Wee age, that doesn't mean they know how to deliver a check that won't hurt them or the other player. As certified USA hockey coach Frank Colabufo explains in this video, it's critical that our kids learn how to check the right way and learn how to take a check as well. Here's a beginning lesson, but there is so much more ground to cover here, especially with our teen boys who think the are invincible on the ice.

Open Communication

Check out this hockey video about sportsmanship, from the Liberty Mutual Responsible Sport program.



NHL Coach Tony Granato shares his thoughts on how open communication between coaches and players can foster a Responsible Sports environment.

Pepsi Hockey Still Pops

While the city of Syracuse painted its traditional green stripe down the St. Patrick's parade route and decorated floats for the big downtown event, many Central New York hockey families decorated car windows with bright purple, red, blue, yellow or white paint to spell out player's names, numbers and duplicate team logos. You could easily spot the hockey family in their overstuffed vehicles on the thruway heading west. It was my 4th , the Pepsi Hockey Invitationals 34th year, for the tournament in Buffalo. It's always a big draw for many youth hockey organizations looking for a memorable way to end the long season. It's well-run with games that run pretty much on schedule. The rinks are roomy and able to comfortable accommodate teams and guests. Hotels are close to both the Holiday and Leisure Rinks. They're easy to find and a short drive to city attractions to keep families entertained during the off-ice times. This year the team manager set us up in the Hampton Inn. Great choice! We were worried because of the small-sized pool, but it worked out well since games were staggered throughout the day. Even though the place was packed with hockey families, the pool never overflowed with children. Unlike others, this hotel rolled out the red carpet for hockey families, greeting us with gift bags and letting our kids play knee-hockey in the lobby. You still had to sign the standard, 'we promise to behave' agreement, but there was lots of breathing room. We even got to set up a party room for the kids to watch movies and play video games. It was refreshing to be so welcomed with a hotel that understood how rambunctious kids can get , when they're all together after a hard fought hockey game. As long as we parents kept them somewhat in line, they were cool.

I've always looked forward to these end-of -the- year tournaments for several reasons. It's not all about the wins...at all. There have been some years in which my son's team has taken home a first or second place prize and sure..that was exciting. But what else do you think he remembers most about all those tournaments? It wasn't what happened from one period to the next, or who got the game-winning goal. It's all those times with his good buddies...roaming the halls without parents right behind, sneaking those rides in the luggage cart, the cannonball contests in the mega-sized pool and so much more. So much more. His Lake Placid tournament, by far, was the best. I need to post more photos from that!
My daughter's team didn't get to take home the hardware this tournament, but check out the video below. Just like my son's team, they too shared many terrific times they'll always remember and got to enjoy a weekend together, having fun and just being kids!

New In The Net

THE ULTIMATE DEFENDER

by hockey mom Dawn O'Neill

Let me introduce myself...I'm the mom of a first-time goalie (now 7). I would like to share some of my journey, as we wrap up our first season in our newly found world of youth hockey.

HOW IT ALL BEGAN

It all started last December, when my then six-year old son, begged me for weeks on end to take him skating. It came as a bit of a shock, since he NEVER strapped on a pair of skates in his life! I finally succumbed to his begging and pleading. One Sunday afternoon, I took him to our neighborhood ice rink in Radisson. Being ill-prepared, I dressed him just in jeans and a coat. I slapped on a pair of rental skates and got him laced up for what would be a really rocky first start. During our first 30 minutes of "open skate" as we now know it, my son fell nearly 100 times. With each fall, came the tears and I could see the "Mom, I want to go home now" coming my way. Not being a quitter myself, I encouraged him up again and again. To my surprise, by the end of the hour and a half, he was running across the ice and I could barely keep up. It was this day, that our hockey journey began.

THE BIG REVEAL

We continued to skate every Sunday for the next few months, and then that fateful, exuberant phrase was spoken, "Mom, I want to play hockey!" Before I go on, I need to share something with you. There were two sports that I did NOT want my sons playing and yes you guessed it, HOCKEY was one of them. (the other was football)

If you could see the love in his eyes when he exclaimed to me his desire to play hockey, you would understand why we mothers do what we do....we forfeit our nights and weekends for our children's' enjoyment in all that they love to do. As we continued our new venture into this very unfamiliar sport's territory, I reached out to people I knew and found good contacts in the Lysander Youth Hockey Association. So, we started taking those Sunday skating clinics to strengthen the skills of this new, young player. THEN came the most exuberant claim from my little guy, "Mom, I want to be a GOALIE!" I thought to myself, "Oh, my goodness, it's bad enough he wants to play hockey, but now he wants to be goalie?" So, not only does he want to play a sport that requires a lot of time and money, but now he wants to play THE MOST EXPENSIVE position. Yikes!

SIGNING UP

So off we went. He began taking goalie clinics. He did all the formalities of registering for the league. Then came the tryouts, where he declared his intent on being a goalie, but he tried out for player as well. To our surprise, he stepped right over the Mite C level and into Mite B. So far, so good. Then came THE big day, our first game in Geneva and he was starting goalie. Now, if that doesn't put a lump in your throat and triple your heart rate, I don't know what will! While we have all watched our kids "perform" either in a play or a concert, there is NOTHING like being a goalie mom and watching from the stands as your six-year old gets "shot on" and "poke checked" with the whole intent of breaking him down and finding his weak spot or that open "5 hole." Being a goalie (like it or not), means you take the weight of the whole world on your shoulders! Looking into a son's heart and soul after a loss (and a win) will bring tears to your eyes! Whether the team played as a team, failed to defend, or simply got out-played, he feels the defeat into his core. Or, the time when he played one of the best games of his life with a 1-1 tie with 15 seconds left, only to see the other team "stack the line" and poke at him until they wore him down and jammed the puck in with 7 seconds left. Ouch, that one hurt! I never sit down during a game and have an extreme level of nervous energy the minute he steps out onto the ice until the final buzzer. Nonetheless, I am the proudest mom in the stands when they skate off the ice. I give him my hugs, win or lose. I always tell him how very proud I am of him for always playing with heart.

NET GAINS

When I look at my son and when he asks, "Mom, will you shoot on me?" (24/7) or when he says, "Mom, I just wish I was in net today!" Or, "Mom, I'm going to be the next Ryan Miller and play for the Sabres, "... I know in my heart of hearts, this is worth it! And...he's good. (Well, what mom doesn't think that?)

Being a goalie is like no other position on the team. For a goalie mom, the ups are the most exhilarating sight to see, as the team piles on your son mid-ice because he made all those saves and they got the win. Or, when you get told, even after a loss, that your son just broke a record with 31 saves! The downs will tear at your heart as he feels a complete let-down to the team. But, in most cases, it's short-lived and often fixed with a trip to Friendly's and he's back at it with the same yearning passion the next time around.

I proudly wear my "Goalie Mom Badge of Honor" and as we finish this first season. I can't wait to see my son "IN NET" again next year, with the same lump in my throat and sense of deep pride every time he skates onto the ice to take his position as the Ultimate Defender.

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Recommendations to Prevent Spread of H1N1 for USA Hockey Programs & Coaches

Subject: Important Information for USA Hockey Programs and Coaches

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Dear Program Administrator/Coach

We’ve worked with our Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Michael Stuart, to provide you with pertinent regarding the H1N1 virus, including recommendations to reduce the likelihood of spreading the infection.

Specifically, USA Hockey recommends:
Provide individual water bottles for players; do not share water bottles
Regularly wash hands
Clean workout gear for each practice/competition
Keep gloves on during the traditional handshake with opponents
You should be aware that symptoms of the virus include: fever (102 degrees fahrenheit or greater), cough, muscle aches, runny nose, headache or sore threat, with the potential for more serious complications, including pneumonia.
Those affected by the H1N1 virus typically have been children and young adults.
Transmission of the virus may occur from the day before the onset of symptoms and during the five to seven days that the symptoms are present. Infected individuals should stay home until signs and symptoms have resolved, with no fever present for at least 24 hours. The 24-hour no-fever timeline should be achieved naturally, without the aid of fever reducing medications.
Additional information regarding H1N1 is available from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention by visiting www.cdc.gov/H1N1Flu/.

Best wishes for a successful season.

fyi

I would suggest a squirt Gatorade bottle with their names written in Sharpie(tm)